Falling

I often wonder how divers do it. To jump from a springboard into water in a back flip seems terrible dangerous. What if you land in the water wrong and break your neck? Of course I have heard that landing on water is just as bad as landing on concrete. But do you bounce in water? I know you bounce on pavement. I have seen those videos of the jumpers from 9/11. They actually bounced from pavement and a couple of times from cars or fire trucks. I felt bad for the one guy that had a jumper fall on him and he died too. Does one bounce on a grassy surface from a great height?

All I know is that I have lasted far longer than I thought have 20 years ago. I honestly thought I would be dead by 30. That didn't happen though it should have. If there is a god he seems to delight in mental torture while offering hope at the same time. Bastard. For some reason God forces us to make promises, yet he never kept his. That is why I think there isn't a god but some alien force using us for their entertainment. Well I personally have had quite enough.

I have to show my nephew what the final solution would be like so he doesn't fall into the same self hating trap I have had to live with for 40 years. At least that is what I am telling myself I am doing.

To Be Or Not To Be

That is the question I have been wrestling with lately. I think my family have pretty much accepted that at some point in the future I will take matters into my own hands. They won't be happy about it, but they won't be blaming themselves thank the fake god. My few friends are probably in the same mind frame. My empolyer will probably just be glad for me to be gone one way or the other. The scales are definitely coming down more on one side. Tick tock.

Someone Needs to Get to a Dentist STAT!

I am sure Dakota Fanning is an innocent girl, but her teeth look like a pack a day, 30 cups of coffee waitress at the local diner.

Get thee to a denist my dear. And I thought my teefs were yellow.

Anyway, here is Dakota showing off her yellow chompers at some thing or other in Hollywood. She has the money so she should at least invest in some Crest White Strips.

The Mole

So is sanyone watching the new season? Trust on this, I never thought they would bring this smart intetelligent reality show back, but they did and I am happy as a clam.

I have no idea who the Mole is "yet" but here is a clip of the reveal of the first Mole with that delicious silver fox Anderson Cooper.

Lezzie Lohan

You know, I am starting to think this is some big publicity stunt to revive Lilo's career. She's got nothing else going on so she might as well tease the tabliods with her supposed Sapphic love. She can sell the story of how she found twoooo lurve with Samantha Ronson for at least a million. And I don't blame her for trying. I would in a flash. If people are willing to pay for lies, then more fools them.

Lezzie and that.....person...she is with went shopping for typical lesbian things like granola and birkenstocks and they made sure the paps were there to document every homosexual image.

I'm not buying this shit until they actually exchange rings in California where it is now legal for pervy McPerv's to get married. Methinks Lilo has been reading a biography of Elizabeth I and her famous quote: "Much suspected, but nothing proved."

I want to be able to say that in everyday conversation sounding like Alexis Carrington.

"Blake, much suspected, but nothing proven. Now get this junk out of my house." Tee hee.

Speaking of Lezzies!

I know Jodie Foster has never publicly come out, but anyone with two eyes pretty much knew she was a fishmonger. So a few weeks ago she was accepting some award for something or other and actually mentioned her partner by name, and who they have children by! Shocking but good for Jodie for taking the first steps to being free.

So imagine my disappointment when I found out a few weeks later that Jodie left her woman for another woman! I felt pain! Jodie? How could you do this to me? I thought you were a U Haul Lesbian, and it turns out your are a slutty gay man in a woman's body.

I have to take a pill to calm down.

Lezzies!

Okay, rumour has it that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are bumping uglies. They were spotting in Cannes this past weekend holding hands and kissing. To be honest, there isn't much of a surprise there. Lindsay always struck me as a free spirited type who doesn't care who tingles the unspeakables as long as the job gets done. What boggles the mind is that she would do it with that thing. Ronson looks like an extra from Dawn of the Dead.

But I digress. What actually boggles my mind is that this rumour (true or not) is hardly making a blip in the gossip rags! I think 10 years ago this would have ruined her career, but now it seems to be no big deal. Go progress!

If this is true I wish them well, but I think firecrotch will be back to dick pretty soon.

I Wonder If Posh Actually Ate Something?

This is just too cute and I had to post it. Posh took the soon to be future superstar Cruz (aka her son) out to a Pink Taco in LA the other day. I am not entirely sure what Pink Taco is, but I am guessing it is like McDonald's, but Mexican. And hey, if the kiddies love it, you have to give in sometime.

But seriously. Look at what Posh is wearing!!! Who wears shoes like that to take your kid out for a snack? And who brings an entourage? And photographers? She looks fabulous but I would KILL for a piccy of her in rollers, a threadbare robe and granny slippers.

Serial Mom (NSFW)

Okay I figured if Jane Fonda can say cunt on morning television I can post this clip from my favourite movie of all time.

Kathleen Turner as Serial Mom is one of her best roles and it shocks me she wasn't even nominated for and Oscar.

So here is the integral clip where we realize that her character is not June Cleaver as she harrasses her neighbour for stealing a parking spot at the grocery store. HA HA HA! Love it!



Here is Serial Mom giving Patty Hearst fashion advice.

Jane Fonda and the C Word

Now that Learning 2.0 is over I feel totally free to show the clip that Jane Fonda did when she let loose a curse word on Morning Television.

Freaking hilarious!



And I doubt Jane was sorry at all. She uses that word all the time. I have a strong feeling she called Ted Turner that numerous times.

Excuse My Beauty!

This is now my new catchphrase whenever I get in trouble.

The clip has been making the rounds of the blogs and it is freaking hilarious! Some ugly transexual is being arrested for god knows what and at the end of it she says she will never use her looks to make money on the stroll again. Excuse her beauty. Ha fucking ha!

So whenever a patron starts moaning about a fine, that is what I am going to say: "Excuse my beauty"

More Chantal

Love her!!!!

Chantel Chamandy

I don't really tend to do this on the blog but I have just heard of a fantastic singer I have to share with you. She is from Montreal but from Egyptian/Greek descent so I kind of see her as the new Cleopatra and you know how I like that sort of stuff.

Her music is a mix of pop with a touch of an exotic Arabic taste. You can dance to it, but it is also sensual. So I just wanted to share this new talent with you.

Speaking of Inappropriate Ads (Not Safe For Work!)

WTF is this? I was debating whether to post this or not, but it has been burning up the gossip blogs like crazy and I simply hate being left out of the loop.

PlayStation released this ad for some new gizmo or other. I am not into video games so I have no idea. So to promote it they use a naked man? And instead of making it worthwhile for us, they photo shop the peen out an put a thumb there? What a waste! And yes that is a thumb there.

This has got to be the weirdest thing I have every seen in my life.

They Will Never Learn

One would think after the "scandal" of the Vanity Fair pictures, Hanna Montana would be lying low. Not to be. She is now posing for one of those "Got Milk" ads with white liquid on her face.

I am no prude, but I have always found those ads a wee bit suggestive on so many levels, but it squeeks me out even more to see a 15 year old girl looking like she just gave her boyfriend a "present". This does NOT make me want to go out a buy a carton of milk.