Friday, May 13, 2011

Falling

I often wonder how divers do it. To jump from a springboard into water in a back flip seems terrible dangerous. What if you land in the water wrong and break your neck? Of course I have heard that landing on water is just as bad as landing on concrete. But do you bounce in water? I know you bounce on pavement. I have seen those videos of the jumpers from 9/11. They actually bounced from pavement and a couple of times from cars or fire trucks. I felt bad for the one guy that had a jumper fall on him and he died too. Does one bounce on a grassy surface from a great height?

All I know is that I have lasted far longer than I thought have 20 years ago. I honestly thought I would be dead by 30. That didn't happen though it should have. If there is a god he seems to delight in mental torture while offering hope at the same time. Bastard. For some reason God forces us to make promises, yet he never kept his. That is why I think there isn't a god but some alien force using us for their entertainment. Well I personally have had quite enough.

I have to show my nephew what the final solution would be like so he doesn't fall into the same self hating trap I have had to live with for 40 years. At least that is what I am telling myself I am doing.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

To Be Or Not To Be

That is the question I have been wrestling with lately. I think my family have pretty much accepted that at some point in the future I will take matters into my own hands. They won't be happy about it, but they won't be blaming themselves thank the fake god. My few friends are probably in the same mind frame. My empolyer will probably just be glad for me to be gone one way or the other. The scales are definitely coming down more on one side. Tick tock.